I think many people who know my spouse and I as a couple have questions. They are mostly questions for her and tend to center on, “So, are you still gay or what? How can you stay together? I could never stay with my spouse if they ‘changed genders.'” Continue reading Why are you such a lucky bastard?
Late spring 2011. I pull into our driveway. I am, like everyday, the first person home. Something is different. Several somethings. Why is there water pouring down the driveway? My eyes follow upstream, the water is flowing from the spigot. Why would that be on? I hear a soft meow. My eyes follow the sound to the window above. It is…overly transparent. Windows are often transparent yes, but, it is so very clear. I realize the subtle obstruction from the mesh window screen is missing. In fact, so is the glass. My cat, Ella, is comfortably perched in the window … Continue reading Two Mostly Unrelated Stories
When I am offered this job, it is 2012 and I am a few days shy of my 28th birthday. As acquaintances learn of my new gig I receive many congratulations on landing a job I can “retire from.” It is such a horrifying thought I almost don’t accept the offer. I value longevity. I am a long term commitment kind of guy but staying in a job from 28 to whatever retirement age is when I get there…I can’t fathom it. I certainly can’t understand why people are so excited about this as a prospect for me. I come … Continue reading The colleague formerly known as…
A guy at the bar is having a pretty good time – a few drinks with friends. He comes over to our table and holds out his fist, “Alright man! That is what I am talking about!” He likes my hat. I hold up my fist and we “bump.” It is a startlingly masculine moment. We have known each other for over a decade, which I find is worth more when you have transplanted far from your hometown. We see each other maybe twice a year, more if one of us is having a baby. Though she was my friend … Continue reading Never to be seen again
It’s late spring 2019. A lot of big boxes have been checked off on the journey of transition. I had been bugging my wife that we needed to paint the exterior of our house since the day we moved in. It drove me so crazy that when she left town one weekend, I painted the front of the house so that when I pulled up to the house, I didn’t feel as irritated. Some of the delay was because I wanted to paint the house myself. I love painting – a canvas, a bathroom, a piece of furniture, it doesn’t … Continue reading So much adulting – or, you had one job
When I came out I expected that people I had known for a long time would accidentally refer to me with female pronouns. I was right. It happens much more rarely now, but when it does it is disorienting. I know it is unintentional but it still means that they view me as a woman and it is hurtful. Though, much more recently I have been able to find it slightly amusing because, at this stage it is entirely about them and their relationship to me, not me and my relationship to them. They can only benefit from actively correcting … Continue reading The ways in which we gender one another
A couple of disclaimers: 1.) Whether because of the original size of my chest, being overweight or having nursed a child my reconstruction involved a significant amount of liposuction along my sternum. I assume that contributed to my pain level. I have heard guys say they had no pain with top surgery. That was not my experience. 2.) My insurance required this operation be conducted at a hospital rather than my doctor’s surgery center where she completes the vast majority of her operations. My surgeon’s staff were highly competent and very sensitive to the needs of trans/gender non-conforming patients. The … Continue reading …I woke up without boobs
After 8 months on T, this is where we are at: Voice drop – check Patchy sideburns – check Chin hair – check Acne – double check Sleep deprivation – holy check-o-moley Continue reading …I couldn’t sleep but still made time to grow sideburns (video)
The wait between deciding that I probably wanted to pursue taking Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and actually getting an appointment to discuss it felt like it took forever. It’s fun to look back on this video and note: how bloody excited I am; how high my voice is; how thin I am; how rested I look. Some trans/gender non-conforming folks choose to pursue HRT in order to develop the secondary sex characteristics that more closely align with their gender identity. Continue reading …every cell in my body screamed ‘do not stab me’ so I started doing it weekly (video)
My wife and I are well matched. She excels at spelling and identifying feelings, I am in charge of tasks requiring strong spacial relations and picking paint colors. She prefers to focus on keeping the inside of our home in order, I prefer to keep the outside of our house in order. My wife likes to make lists and while I definitely want to know what’s on deck, I avoid lists – I value efficiency and worry that a list might box me in – could result in an inability to innovate – stifle my creativity. We are complimentary to … Continue reading Telling the eldest or Rocket League wheels
That's Mr. Gender to You 