Tag: family

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Not what it seems

Mr. Gender

Content warning: this post mentions suicide and family rejection I love change. It brings opportunity and rekindled novelty. But… I struggle enormously with anticipation. Once I know a change is coming, it can’t come soon enough. Which is perhaps why each time I have come out, I have done so with tremendous speed. For example, I told my mother the same day I realized I was attracted to women, and my father within the first couple weeks.  A few more weeks passed and we were heading to rural Wisconsin to see my mother’s parents and siblings. During this trip I … Continue reading Not what it seems

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Black Heart Today

Mr. Gender

Black Heart Today – Amy Ray “I’ve got a black heart today. No amount of kindness is going to turn it the other way.” I run several times per week. It is essential to my mental and physical health. The time I spend running has replaced my commute. I rely on those miles to help me transition from work-brain to home-brain. When things are too difficult to process – I run and let all the little neurons sort themselves out. Which is not to say that “running is my therapy.” No, I have therapy for my therapy. Sometimes, when I … Continue reading Black Heart Today

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A love story – Part 6

Mr. Gender

What do you mean these eggs are expired? Content warning: infertility Our honeymoon is amazing. Yes amazing for all the typical reasons, but also…wheat berry pancakes. I am not kidding around. They are incredible. I don’t even like pancakes but these? Memorable. Delicious. It’s our first weekend home after our honeymoon. Saturday morning breakfast at a restaurant we’d never been to before. The waitress is strangely devoid of boundaries and keeps hanging all over Anji, much to Anji’s discomfort. At some point one of us informs her that her over familiarity is inappropriate and unappreciated. Driving home that afternoon I … Continue reading A love story – Part 6

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A love story – Part 5

Mr. Gender

I stop wanting to ever go back to my apartment. We spend time apart because it seems like something we should do or because it is something we have to do. But we aren’t that into it. It isn’t as fun as being together. It seems a bit like a waste of time. I am approaching 30. Anji is twelve years older than I am. We feel a bit short changed for not finding each other sooner and incredibly fortunate to have done so at all. There is no one I can think of who will say, “Four months of … Continue reading A love story – Part 5

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A love story – Part 4

Mr. Gender

We have been dating for two weeks. My parents want me to visit. I just saw my mother a few weeks ago. But since moving to the Pacific Northwest about 6 years before, I had only been home maybe three times. This was primarily due to financial constraints. The fact that my parents moved 4 hours away from the town I grew up in shortly after I moved was an added complication. My mom had a plane ticket voucher from a prior trip where there was a layover debacle. The voucher was set to expire in about 6 weeks. I … Continue reading A love story – Part 4

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Telling the eldest or Rocket League wheels

Mr. Gender

My wife and I are well matched. She excels at spelling and identifying feelings, I am in charge of tasks requiring strong spacial relations and picking paint colors. She prefers to focus on keeping the inside of our home in order, I prefer to keep the outside of our house in order. My wife likes to make lists and while I definitely want to know what’s on deck, I avoid lists – I value efficiency and worry that a list might box me in – could result in an inability to innovate – stifle my creativity. We are complimentary to … Continue reading Telling the eldest or Rocket League wheels

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Telling the youngest or ‘mama is just a girl’

Mr. Gender

Setting: He is four years old. It’s a Wednesday night and like any other night my youngest son and I are completing the bedtime routine. My wife joins us. I’m so nervous but the fierceness that has always been his love gives me hope. In many ways I found my courage to find myself in his unwavering love. I don’t have a plan. I’m not sure how I will tell him. Will I be able to answer his questions? Am I about to shatter his world? Will he even understand? But I just start talking… Me: Buddy, are you a … Continue reading Telling the youngest or ‘mama is just a girl’

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Telling Mom or ‘you may want to sit down’

Mr. Gender

Setting: It’s mid-December 2018. My mother and her husband are planning on coming for Christmas and while I am not quite ready I am also growing increasingly uncomfortable with my mother not knowing about this significant revelation though it is only six weeks old. I have always preferred an actual crisis over tolerating the anticipation of the possible. I consider waiting to talk to her in person but I am certain I can’t stand not binding for even a day and that if I do bind, she will want an explanation. She shares my preference to avoid anticipation. I knew … Continue reading Telling Mom or ‘you may want to sit down’