Tag: comingout

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Not what it seems

Mr. Gender

Content warning: this post mentions suicide and family rejection I love change. It brings opportunity and rekindled novelty. But… I struggle enormously with anticipation. Once I know a change is coming, it can’t come soon enough. Which is perhaps why each time I have come out, I have done so with tremendous speed. For example, I told my mother the same day I realized I was attracted to women, and my father within the first couple weeks.  A few more weeks passed and we were heading to rural Wisconsin to see my mother’s parents and siblings. During this trip I … Continue reading Not what it seems

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Black Heart Today

Mr. Gender

Black Heart Today – Amy Ray “I’ve got a black heart today. No amount of kindness is going to turn it the other way.” I run several times per week. It is essential to my mental and physical health. The time I spend running has replaced my commute. I rely on those miles to help me transition from work-brain to home-brain. When things are too difficult to process – I run and let all the little neurons sort themselves out. Which is not to say that “running is my therapy.” No, I have therapy for my therapy. Sometimes, when I … Continue reading Black Heart Today

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The colleague formerly known as…

Mr. Gender

When I am offered this job, it is 2012 and I am a few days shy of my 28th birthday. As acquaintances learn of my new gig I receive many congratulations on landing a job I can “retire from.” It is such a horrifying thought I almost don’t accept the offer. I value longevity. I am a long term commitment kind of guy but staying in a job from 28 to whatever retirement age is when I get there…I can’t fathom it. I certainly can’t understand why people are so excited about this as a prospect for me. I come … Continue reading The colleague formerly known as…

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It’s Facebook Official

Mr. Gender

“You should only make it into the paper twice in your life. When you are born and when you die.” – Unsolicited Advice from Co-Worker reflecting on the evils of social media I grew up in a world where my social network knew few geographical limits. We hear a lot about the dangers and down side of social media. Smart phones are the latest to be accused of rotting the brains of the next generation but, it wasn’t that long ago that Elvis was sure to corrupt all. Those hips. Civilization made it through rock n’ roll and television. At … Continue reading It’s Facebook Official

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Telling the eldest or Rocket League wheels

Mr. Gender

My wife and I are well matched. She excels at spelling and identifying feelings, I am in charge of tasks requiring strong spacial relations and picking paint colors. She prefers to focus on keeping the inside of our home in order, I prefer to keep the outside of our house in order. My wife likes to make lists and while I definitely want to know what’s on deck, I avoid lists – I value efficiency and worry that a list might box me in – could result in an inability to innovate – stifle my creativity. We are complimentary to … Continue reading Telling the eldest or Rocket League wheels

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Waking up gay

Mr. Gender

It’s Spring 2003. My solo set has gone fabulously. An assortment of De Visee met with an unexpected standing ovation. I am preparing to take my advanced standing – which is insider lingo for “play music in front of professors to determine if I am good enough.” It seems to me that if someone who does not play a single instrument can learn a single song that I, player of many instruments, should be able to fix all that is wrong with my playing in the weeks between now and my advanced standing. I play in a duo with a … Continue reading Waking up gay

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Gravity

Mr. Gender

It’s early December 2018. There is so much to do. So much to figure out. I am desperate to check all the perceived boxes but everything takes time. And time is the one thing I feel I have missed so much of. minutes fall away like gravity pulling water from a faucet a simple consequence of time the result of ill-fit riddle comes to me in pieces strewn across the floor am I enough to put it together? I am not certain anymore I’ve got a secret so long kept I didn’t know, couldn’t see it push it away Continue reading Gravity

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Introducing Teddy

Mr. Gender

A tool for talking about gender identity with young children. I am in love with this story by Jessica Walton. I recommend it to anyone with a young child. Or anyone who needs to give their inner child a new narrative about having permission to be yourself. The book tells of the friendship between Errol and his teddy bear. They do many fun things together but Errol notices that Thomas seems sad. His bear shares with Errol that they wish their name was Tilly, not Thomas. Errol affirms that what really matters is that they are friends and thanks them … Continue reading Introducing Teddy

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Telling the youngest or ‘mama is just a girl’

Mr. Gender

Setting: He is four years old. It’s a Wednesday night and like any other night my youngest son and I are completing the bedtime routine. My wife joins us. I’m so nervous but the fierceness that has always been his love gives me hope. In many ways I found my courage to find myself in his unwavering love. I don’t have a plan. I’m not sure how I will tell him. Will I be able to answer his questions? Am I about to shatter his world? Will he even understand? But I just start talking… Me: Buddy, are you a … Continue reading Telling the youngest or ‘mama is just a girl’

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Telling Mom or ‘you may want to sit down’

Mr. Gender

Setting: It’s mid-December 2018. My mother and her husband are planning on coming for Christmas and while I am not quite ready I am also growing increasingly uncomfortable with my mother not knowing about this significant revelation though it is only six weeks old. I have always preferred an actual crisis over tolerating the anticipation of the possible. I consider waiting to talk to her in person but I am certain I can’t stand not binding for even a day and that if I do bind, she will want an explanation. She shares my preference to avoid anticipation. I knew … Continue reading Telling Mom or ‘you may want to sit down’