Category: Tales from Transition

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Transformational Relationships

Mr. Gender

Last Saturday I was honored to deliver the keynote for the inaugural Lake Stevens Pride Festival. Below is an audio recording of the speech followed by the written version of the speech. Note: It is not a transcription. This speech is about building a home within myself; one of joy, unconditional love and liberation through transformational relationships. It is also about  heartbreak and dissonance and learning the hard way that there are so many more ways to imagine and create home and community than what most of us are taught growing up. I am also going to talk to you … Continue reading Transformational Relationships

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The colleague formerly known as…

Mr. Gender

When I am offered this job, it is 2012 and I am a few days shy of my 28th birthday. As acquaintances learn of my new gig I receive many congratulations on landing a job I can “retire from.” It is such a horrifying thought I almost don’t accept the offer. I value longevity. I am a long term commitment kind of guy but staying in a job from 28 to whatever retirement age is when I get there…I can’t fathom it. I certainly can’t understand why people are so excited about this as a prospect for me. I come … Continue reading The colleague formerly known as…

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Never to be seen again

Mr. Gender

A guy at the bar is having a pretty good time – a few drinks with friends. He comes over to our table and holds out his fist, “Alright man! That is what I am talking about!” He likes my hat. I hold up my fist and we “bump.” It is a startlingly masculine moment. We have known each other for over a decade, which I find is worth more when you have transplanted far from your hometown. We see each other maybe twice a year, more if one of us is having a baby. Though she was my friend … Continue reading Never to be seen again

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So much adulting – or, you had one job

Mr. Gender

It’s late spring 2019. A lot of big boxes have been checked off on the journey of transition. I had been bugging my wife that we needed to paint the exterior of our house since the day we moved in. It drove me so crazy that when she left town one weekend, I painted the front of the house so that when I pulled up to the house, I didn’t feel as irritated. Some of the delay was because I wanted to paint the house myself. I love painting – a canvas, a bathroom, a piece of furniture, it doesn’t … Continue reading So much adulting – or, you had one job

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The ways in which we gender one another

Mr. Gender

When I came out I expected that people I had known for a long time would accidentally refer to me with female pronouns. I was right. It happens much more rarely now, but when it does it is disorienting. I know it is unintentional but it still means that they view me as a woman and it is hurtful. Though, much more recently I have been able to find it slightly amusing because, at this stage it is entirely about them and their relationship to me, not me and my relationship to them. They can only benefit from actively correcting … Continue reading The ways in which we gender one another

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…I woke up without boobs

Mr. Gender

A couple of disclaimers: 1.) Whether because of the original size of my chest, being overweight or having nursed a child my reconstruction involved a significant amount of liposuction along my sternum. I assume that contributed to my pain level. I have heard guys say they had no pain with top surgery. That was not my experience. 2.) My insurance required this operation be conducted at a hospital rather than my doctor’s surgery center where she completes the vast majority of her operations. My surgeon’s staff were highly competent and very sensitive to the needs of trans/gender non-conforming patients. The … Continue reading …I woke up without boobs

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…every cell in my body screamed ‘do not stab me’ so I started doing it weekly (video)

Mr. Gender

The wait between deciding that I probably wanted to pursue taking Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and actually getting an appointment to discuss it felt like it took forever. It’s fun to look back on this video and note: how bloody excited I am; how high my voice is; how thin I am; how rested I look. Some trans/gender non-conforming folks choose to pursue HRT in order to develop the secondary sex characteristics that more closely align with their gender identity. Continue reading …every cell in my body screamed ‘do not stab me’ so I started doing it weekly (video)

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…underwear changed my world view

Mr. Gender

October 2003 The first time I see a drag king I fall in love. Not with that person but with what their existence means. That sometimes, at least in limited circumstances, which seemingly have their own rules, a ‘girl’ can be a ‘boy.’ I have to know more. I am obsessed with facial hair and flat chests. Lucky for me my first drag king encounter is with an author on the subject. I read The Art of Drag Kinging cover to cover, taking notes. I create a drag persona who is nothing like me. I look in the mirror and … Continue reading …underwear changed my world view