Dropping my head I said, “I have nowhere else to go.”
“You can go anywhere you like. The possibilities are infinite.”
“I don’t believe you and anyway, I don’t know how to leave.”
“That much is evident,” she laughed, but it was oddly without the slightest hint of ridicule. “Let’s go for a walk.” Continue reading A Relocation of Sorts
As an adolescent, it seemed to me that I lacked an attraction to boys that I was assured I had. I suspected there was more to my feelings toward girls than friendship, but friendship was the only explanation I was offered. I knew there was a fundamental difference in how I experienced my gender and how others perceived it, but I was told that there were two different types of people: boys and girls. And that these differences were entirely dependent on sex, of which there were only two. My feelings to the contrary were silly. My thoughts, overly imaginative. … Continue reading Infinite Possibilities
Content warning: this post mentions suicide and family rejection I love change. It brings opportunity and rekindled novelty. But… I struggle enormously with anticipation. Once I know a change is coming, it can’t come soon enough. Which is perhaps why each time I have come out, I have done so with tremendous speed. For example, I told my mother the same day I realized I was attracted to women, and my father within the first couple weeks. A few more weeks passed and we were heading to rural Wisconsin to see my mother’s parents and siblings. During this trip I … Continue reading Not what it seems
I wanted short hair for as long as I can remember. Afraid of ridicule my mother resisted because I would look like a boy and, my ears stick out so people would make fun of me. In 2020, and especially to those of you reading this, perhaps that sounds judgmental and dis-empowering. It was, but it happened within a different context. In the early 90’s people were men, women or men in dresses – freaks of the night. For what it is worth, people made fun of me anyway. Starting late in high school, well after my breasts ruined the … Continue reading I thought maybe you were a swimmer
What do you mean these eggs are expired? Content warning: infertility Our honeymoon is amazing. Yes amazing for all the typical reasons, but also…wheat berry pancakes. I am not kidding around. They are incredible. I don’t even like pancakes but these? Memorable. Delicious. It’s our first weekend home after our honeymoon. Saturday morning breakfast at a restaurant we’d never been to before. The waitress is strangely devoid of boundaries and keeps hanging all over Anji, much to Anji’s discomfort. At some point one of us informs her that her over familiarity is inappropriate and unappreciated. Driving home that afternoon I … Continue reading A love story – Part 6
We have been dating for two weeks. My parents want me to visit. I just saw my mother a few weeks ago. But since moving to the Pacific Northwest about 6 years before, I had only been home maybe three times. This was primarily due to financial constraints. The fact that my parents moved 4 hours away from the town I grew up in shortly after I moved was an added complication. My mom had a plane ticket voucher from a prior trip where there was a layover debacle. The voucher was set to expire in about 6 weeks. I … Continue reading A love story – Part 4
“You should only make it into the paper twice in your life. When you are born and when you die.” – Unsolicited Advice from Co-Worker reflecting on the evils of social media I grew up in a world where my social network knew few geographical limits. We hear a lot about the dangers and down side of social media. Smart phones are the latest to be accused of rotting the brains of the next generation but, it wasn’t that long ago that Elvis was sure to corrupt all. Those hips. Civilization made it through rock n’ roll and television. At … Continue reading It’s Facebook Official
We are driving around Ballard. By “we,” I mean “she”, she is driving and I am, as I have been since, in the passenger seat. To this day I can’t drive in Seattle without a map but Anji has the general lay of the land and doesn’t need that kind of accommodation. “I can’t imagine growing old and never having a child.” She is surprised, intrigued…pensive. “I have never imagined having another child.” The car becomes silent, but unexpectedly comfortable. A few intersections pass by the windows. It’s a beautiful evening. The streetlights cast an amber glow interrupted by the … Continue reading A love story – Part 3
I am twelve years old. My friend and I ride our bikes to the grocery store because well, we have run out of other things to do. We aren’t here to shop – just passing the time. For whatever reason I leave the store a couple minutes before she does. I am waiting on my bike when she comes out. We ride over to the old elementary school. I had attended this school only the year before, but it is vacant now, replaced by a new, and beautiful school that is too far away to just go hang out at. … Continue reading My longest relationship
It’s 2010. I am living in an apartment that I can barely afford. My judgement is clouded by the abrupt end to my marriage. I have always had a strong moral compass, to the point of rigidity. But this time in my life, is not my best. I find myself doing things I shouldn’t be doing. I can’t bring myself to care. But I do recognize that Anji has her shit too together to get wrapped up in mine. Either later that night (the night of secret family recipe sausage – try to follow along) or the next morning I … Continue reading A love story – Part 2
That's Mr. Gender to You 