Author: Mr. Gender

Tales from TransitionLeave a comment

Never to be seen again

Mr. Gender

A guy at the bar is having a pretty good time – a few drinks with friends. He comes over to our table and holds out his fist, “Alright man! That is what I am talking about!” He likes my hat. I hold up my fist and we “bump.” It is a startlingly masculine moment. We have known each other for over a decade, which I find is worth more when you have transplanted far from your hometown. We see each other maybe twice a year, more if one of us is having a baby. Though she was my friend … Continue reading Never to be seen again

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A case for acceptance

Mr. Gender

Recently a local Facebook page posted a poorly written and sourced article with the intention of showing support for Transgender Awareness week. I was surprised at the vitriol that ensued toward both the acknowledgement of the existence of transfolks and the idea of raising awareness of trans issues. There seemed to be a common consensus among many of the people posting that being trans is a symptom of mental illness. I appreciate the folks who posted in support of trans people, to affirm the value we bring to society. Reading the hateful statements had a major impact on me. I … Continue reading A case for acceptance

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So much adulting – or, you had one job

Mr. Gender

It’s late spring 2019. A lot of big boxes have been checked off on the journey of transition. I had been bugging my wife that we needed to paint the exterior of our house since the day we moved in. It drove me so crazy that when she left town one weekend, I painted the front of the house so that when I pulled up to the house, I didn’t feel as irritated. Some of the delay was because I wanted to paint the house myself. I love painting – a canvas, a bathroom, a piece of furniture, it doesn’t … Continue reading So much adulting – or, you had one job

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The ways in which we gender one another

Mr. Gender

When I came out I expected that people I had known for a long time would accidentally refer to me with female pronouns. I was right. It happens much more rarely now, but when it does it is disorienting. I know it is unintentional but it still means that they view me as a woman and it is hurtful. Though, much more recently I have been able to find it slightly amusing because, at this stage it is entirely about them and their relationship to me, not me and my relationship to them. They can only benefit from actively correcting … Continue reading The ways in which we gender one another

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A love story – Part 6

Mr. Gender

What do you mean these eggs are expired? Content warning: infertility Our honeymoon is amazing. Yes amazing for all the typical reasons, but also…wheat berry pancakes. I am not kidding around. They are incredible. I don’t even like pancakes but these? Memorable. Delicious. It’s our first weekend home after our honeymoon. Saturday morning breakfast at a restaurant we’d never been to before. The waitress is strangely devoid of boundaries and keeps hanging all over Anji, much to Anji’s discomfort. At some point one of us informs her that her over familiarity is inappropriate and unappreciated. Driving home that afternoon I … Continue reading A love story – Part 6

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A love story – Part 5

Mr. Gender

I stop wanting to ever go back to my apartment. We spend time apart because it seems like something we should do or because it is something we have to do. But we aren’t that into it. It isn’t as fun as being together. It seems a bit like a waste of time. I am approaching 30. Anji is twelve years older than I am. We feel a bit short changed for not finding each other sooner and incredibly fortunate to have done so at all. There is no one I can think of who will say, “Four months of … Continue reading A love story – Part 5

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A love story – Part 4

Mr. Gender

We have been dating for two weeks. My parents want me to visit. I just saw my mother a few weeks ago. But since moving to the Pacific Northwest about 6 years before, I had only been home maybe three times. This was primarily due to financial constraints. The fact that my parents moved 4 hours away from the town I grew up in shortly after I moved was an added complication. My mom had a plane ticket voucher from a prior trip where there was a layover debacle. The voucher was set to expire in about 6 weeks. I … Continue reading A love story – Part 4

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It’s Facebook Official

Mr. Gender

“You should only make it into the paper twice in your life. When you are born and when you die.” – Unsolicited Advice from Co-Worker reflecting on the evils of social media I grew up in a world where my social network knew few geographical limits. We hear a lot about the dangers and down side of social media. Smart phones are the latest to be accused of rotting the brains of the next generation but, it wasn’t that long ago that Elvis was sure to corrupt all. Those hips. Civilization made it through rock n’ roll and television. At … Continue reading It’s Facebook Official

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A love story – Part 3

Mr. Gender

We are driving around Ballard. By “we,” I mean “she”, she is driving and I am, as I have been since, in the passenger seat. To this day I can’t drive in Seattle without a map but Anji has the general lay of the land and doesn’t need that kind of accommodation. “I can’t imagine growing old and never having a child.” She is surprised, intrigued…pensive. “I have never imagined having another child.” The car becomes silent, but unexpectedly comfortable. A few intersections pass by the windows. It’s a beautiful evening. The streetlights cast an amber glow interrupted by the … Continue reading A love story – Part 3

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My longest relationship

Mr. Gender

I am twelve years old. My friend and I ride our bikes to the grocery store because well, we have run out of other things to do. We aren’t here to shop – just passing the time. For whatever reason I leave the store a couple minutes before she does. I am waiting on my bike when she comes out. We ride over to the old elementary school. I had attended this school only the year before, but it is vacant now, replaced by a new, and beautiful school that is too far away to just go hang out at. … Continue reading My longest relationship