I stop wanting to ever go back to my apartment. We spend time apart because it seems like something we should do or because it is something we have to do. But we aren’t that into it. It isn’t as fun as being together. It seems a bit like a waste of time.

I am approaching 30. Anji is twelve years older than I am. We feel a bit short changed for not finding each other sooner and incredibly fortunate to have done so at all.

There is no one I can think of who will say, “Four months of dating is an ideal time to combine households.” It probably makes our parents and friends nervous. It is a risk.

The decision to move in together is the result of an ongoing conversation. She doesn’t ask me to move in – I don’t suggest we live together. There is a consistent openness about what we want. We realize the only thing holding us back is the feeling that we shouldn’t want this. But the want remains. I trust her.

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In retrospect I should have predicted the end of my last relationship. It mirrored how my ex’s previous relationship had ended – with a total lack of regard for her ex’s feelings. A lack of communication and maturity when it came to uncoupling.

I have not known Anji to ever have disregard for someone’s feelings. That could be a downfall as well. Many people who have such empathy are unable to act in their own best interests out of fear of hurting others. Yet she balances this empathy with self respect and appropriate boundaries which allows her to also be direct and forthcoming.

And so, despite others’ reservations, we amend her lease, I pay to break mine and we start our next adventure.

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We are not necessarily on the same page when it comes to interior decorating. We have very different preferences for furniture styles – she values comfort where I desire clean lines. One would think these differences would require compromise but we continue to search until we find pieces we are both genuinely happy with.

We don’t always know exactly what we want but when we find it, there is no doubt. There is no need to think about it more. It took us two years to pick lamps for our family room – but when we found what we wanted, there was no hesitation. They are gorgeous and perfect.

The only exception is our current couch – about which we are equally unhappy. The sales rep promised that the couch we were custom ordering would be the same couch we showed her a picture of. Surprise! It was not. Anji dislikes it for its lack of depth and I oppose its overall size which is too small for the room. The sales person was so very certain, we didn’t even look at the dimensions. That was an expensive lesson.

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It seems a great love story like ours would lend itself to an incredibly romantic marriage proposal at some point well into our relationship. In reality it is, like the relationship itself, the product of a long and ongoing conversation. A mutual decision. While it took me several years to find Anji, like our living room lamps there was no need to hesitate. I was clear on what I needed and she was more than I had ever imagined. The feeling was mutual. It sounds cliche’ but our bound felt natural and permanent and predestined.

In early November 2010, after dating for six months, we decide to plan a spring wedding. A small affair at the home of friends. A handful of guests. A cocktail hour and then private reception dinner with only our family. We leave the reception dinner and drive to Monterrey, CA for our honeymoon. It is perfection.

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Our wedding song. It’s a waltz, because of course it is.